Final drawings and Thoughts

I totally was caught in the moment of summer break, the thick of it really and forgot to update. I definitely plan to keep updating with my summer adventures in Chicago, San Francisco, L.A and wherever else I end up (who knows anymore!). This is one of my drawings from my final project. I worked endlessly on it, and I didn't get a chance to really express this in my final critique. It's just like me to work really hard on something and yet not give myself credit for it, even if no one else does. The drawing above is special because it reminds me of Lily's painting of Mrs. Ramsay in the novel To the Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf. Like Lily, I too was lost and confused by the beginnings of the drawing and believed it would not come together as I had envisioned. I was equally confused about why I had come to SVA and what I was doing with my life. By the end of my final project, everything has been clarified and I feel enlightened in a way. Sure, there are things that I hate about SVA but there are also things that I really love. I have learned so much about myself, being a young aspiring artist. I still am not sure if SVA is really for me, but I have really enjoyed some of the classes I have taken in my foundation year and that in itself is a lot. Drawing class, in particular, has really challenged me to explore, experiment and be inventive; the foundation of any successful artist. I did not come into class with that frame of mind but now this is something that I always think about when I begin a drawing. I can look at any surface now and not feel threatened to draw on it and call it a drawing. I have also become more excited about creating and have a newfound urge to create all the time. When I got back to Chicago the other day I wanted to, not catch up on sleep, but actually draw! It's a weird but liberating feeling. I now plan to begin a stop motion animation project for the summer. I am really excited about it and I think it will wrap up where I began and ended this year. The piece will begin as a bare room that slowly begins to develop furniture, patterns and architectural details. In a way, it will be metaphorical for how I have developed within my first year of college as a young artist. And as Spongebob says, I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready......

There was a whole collection of the Louis Vuitton handbags and luggage at the show. There was this one very large, duffel like purse that stood out. It had really small side handles that didn't look like they reached to the top of the bag and I wondered if the bag could even be held by the handles. So I asked one of the security guards (although I was not really sure what he was due to his white suit and Luis Vuitton bow tie). He said that the handles did reach to the top and that you couldn't tell from looking at it behind the glass case. I desperately wanted him to open up the case and show me, then I would run off with the bag and sell it for a ton of money. Then I would buy Da Vinci art supply and make amazing art and have an even bigger and better show than Murakami. But....I didn't. Darn!

Murakami at the Brooklyn Museum

So I recently went to the Brooklyn Museum to see the Murakami show. I liked it surprisingly. It must have been the bright modern colors that did it. I have never been a fan of anime or of Louis Vuitton either. It's my own personal taste. I could put that aside though and really appreciate some of the pieces. Walking into the first room with a large installation of an anime figure suspended from the ceiling and louis vuitton monograms on large panals, I instantly thought of pop art and Andy Warhol. But everything was so pristinely executed that I also felt a particular fine art aesthetic. There was a point of view that was more than commercialism. Certain rooms made me feel like a child and others were anything but childlike. Everything was executed carefully and considerably. I liked that, the care and attention to detail. Then I thought of Elsworth Kelly and how there is a painstaking attention to detail in his solid color panels. I also really enjoyed the wallpaper patterns. The show went on forever covering, if I can remeber correctly, three floors! It was really overall a must-see in my opinion. 

Karen at the Whitney Biennial

So I went to the Whitney Biennial this weekend and was thoroughly disappointed. I certainly expected to be, considering all of the bad things I have heard from hearsay. I wanted to see for myself. I have no idea where the future for art is going. There were a few pieces that I liked, but the rest were lackluster for me unfortunately. If I had any doubts about being an artist before, this is just the icing on the cake. I did see a few paintings by my newly found favorite artist Karen Kilimnik. This was one of the paintings which I nearly drooled over. I wanted so badly to take pictures but the guard just eyed me with disapproval, so I didn't. I had to find this picture online which doesn't do the painting justice at all but it'll have to do for now.

A drawing I did over spring break. A bit obsessive... I know.

More figure drawings

Figure drawing today was exhausting! All the more reason I feel that I should include these drawings in my blog. Today, after getting off of the train breathless, I got back to my room and tossed my things on the floor. I have no idea why exactly, but I then opened my portfolio and took out my drawing board. I went through all of my pastel smudged drawings to look for the ones I liked best. Here they are. And yes, they aren't the best drawings but I am posting them anyway. 

Yeah, I know they're kinda crappy. I like the brevity of them though.

Figure Drawing

Figure drawing! Every time I look at figure drawings I get really inspired to make art. Isn't that strange? I guess because it's such a traditional practice, probably since the first American art school. I think I learned about in AP art history in high school. Was it Winslow Homer or Thomas Eakins who started the first school? I can't remember. A little help please??!!  

Paris is Burning

I was on youtube looking for inspiration and I found it! This is such a wonderfully crafted stop motion animation piece.

What is a seemingly peaceful greenhouse with a view, full of  lively plants and leisure, is actually the scene of Kurt Cobain's suicidal death.  

This painting of Queen Elizabeth's bedroom is suggestive of her presumably lonely and isolated private life. The single bed and portrait and the bareness of the space echoes the sadness of the scene.  

This is a painting of the apartment of the tragic author Truman Capote. 

Dexter Dalwood

Dexter Dalwood is another favorite artist of mine. A British born artist, Dalwood paints the interiors of celebrities and socialites, such as this scene of Jackie Onassis' yacht. Never having been to any of the places he depicts in his paintings, Dalwood constructs a narrative and is suggestive of the the views of the collective conscious and today's media.While the scenes he creates are not entirely fictional, they are taken heavily from the made up stories and headlines of magazines and newspaper articles. They hint at the intriguing lives of celebrities and how they are viewed in the public eye. He often begins making small collages using cutouts of showroom furniture from magazines, which he then uses as a source to create his paintings. I just love them. They have the awkwardness and quirkiness of David Hockney. They are also filled with symbolism and mystique and speak so much about our glamorized culture and the ugly truth of it all.    

I completely forgot to post my classical master midterm drawing. I can hardly remember when I did it. And after not seeing it for so long , I forgot how funny it was. That costume and hat could not be more hilarious! 

Oh Sylvia where have you been?

I love Sylvia Plath for so many reasons. Fever 103 is one of my favorite poems. I often read her poetry when I feel really intense, overwhelmed, and like I'm loosing control. I usually always am on the inside at one point or other. I can be so fragile at times that I feel like I'm going to crack and break into a million pieces. I like to think that she and I have this in common and then I feel a lot better.

Elizabeth Peyton

I thought I would include some of Elizabeth Peyton's pieces. I found out that she went to my school as well which was interesting. That was in the 80's though so I'm sure things were quite different then.

Little Red Riding Hood has never really been a favorite fairytale of mine. The Brother's Grimm version of it is quite interesting though. This print has a lot to do with the coming of age of a young woman, female sexuality, and old age. There's definitely more to it so don't mind me.

Kiki Smith

I've always loved the artist Kiki Smith. Even though I think we have completely different approaches to making art (She is far more aggressive and diligent). I admire how much she labors over her art, they really are "labors of love". And not to mention, her use of different papers and natural surfaces. She's great for anyone to look at.

More Karen Kilimnik! I used to draw tons of fashion models when I was little. My mom encouraged it, thinking that I would become a fashion designer one day. That ship kinda sailed. I do draw inspiration from the fashion industry. It really fits what I am trying to do in my art. 

Julie Heffernan

Julie Heffernan's artwork makes me very uncomfortable. After seeing a few of her pieces I just couldn't take it. They harken back to Vanitas still lives, which we did drawings of in class, but these Vanitas are anything but ordinary. I feel so sorry for the woman in this painting, who looks so graceful and content despite what's going on. This scene is just disturbing.

The carriage and the moon are so luminous. The carriage reminds me of Cinderella on her way to the ball. It actually alludes to Little Red riding hood though.

I am mesmerized by the gestural quality and brevity of her paintings. And the color! I found out most of her paintings are Vermeer size (usually like 11x14). I really want to see one in life. Look at that bright blue umbrella!

I've always been tempted to do a portrait of Paris Hilton but I thought that I took myself too seriously as an artist to do that. But now I figure why not? She's almost old news, making for a more interesting piece. In this portrait of her, she is represented as Marie Antoinette, alluding to her little cottage tucked away from Versailles. I think Paris and Marie Antoinette lives are very similar, both constantly being in the public eye and talked about in the media of today and social circles in the 18th century. Marie Antoinette also did not have the best reputation much like Paris Hilton today. Celebrities are always intriguing, even to people who try to distance themselves from pop culture. I think it has a lot to do with the glamour and illusion of the film industry. It can be sickening at times.

I once did this painting based on the Russian folklore tale Vassilisa the Brave and Baba Yaga. It's almost like a Russian version of Cinderella but much scarier. I had so many nightmares from it but my art teacher in high school really liked it. She now has it hanging in her home. This painting is just amazing. I was really interested in the the Russian Revolution when I studied it in history class in high school. European monarchies were impossibly decadent! I'm surprised there weren't more revolutions in European history.   

Karen Kilimnik

I have recently been researching the some the artists I was suggested to look at and am now in love with them, particularly Karen Kilimnik. A better artist could not have been chosen for me. People in drawing class have also suggested to look at Elizabeth Peyton, whom I like as well. I strongly relate to Karen's work not only because I see so much of her in myself, but also because coincidentally we draw from very similar sources. Her work is inspired by a scatter of sources such as fairy tales, celebrities, t.v shows, the occult, and the 18th and 19th century. Her artwork is filled with symbolism and meaning that may not be directly apparent to the viewer. I felt like during my critique in our last drawing class, few people mentioned or even asked about the content in my artwork. Because I too draw from so many sources, things from my head, childhood memories, and fantasy, it's hard to say if my work has a clear point of view. They are not, however, just drawings of interiors. They are actually very personal, and I am becoming more aware of that just through making them.   

The cover of my book. I used the same paper from my self guided project drawing. I photographed it behind patterned paper I had hanging on my wall. If only I could hang wallpaper on the walls in my dorm. I would be so inspired to make more artwork. 

Artist book!!!

Artist book! I interviewed one of my mom's close friends who lived in Russia for a few months for work. She told me so many stories about her visit there that the narrative became an overflow of Russian imagery. The narrative is I guess somewhat non linear, alluding to all of her sight seeing and fascinations with the culture. She went to the ballet, took a boat ride, had a few martini's too many and bought a fur coat. She also brought back a Russian stacking doll and gave it to me as a gift. I never told her that I lost it though! 

The beginnings of my bedroom. I enjoy feeling like I am taking on the role of the decorator and designer. The beauty of art is creating from your deepest desires. In these drawings, I am striving for a sense of harmony, beauty, and magic that does not exist in real life. I too wonder who would live in these spaces. I try my best however to invite the viewer into the space and admire all of its loveliness. I feel that my work also deals with issues of class, stemming from the idea of the American Dream and the consumer culture.  

More paper! 

More beautiful patterned paper. I searched every shelf high and low in New York Central for authentic Victorian patterns. This is the closest that I came though. It is beautiful nontheless and will be incorporated into my next two drawings.

  It's me again. I do not have anything to post at the moment but I will soon. Anyhow, today our drawing class visited artist studios throughout Brooklyn. While many of the others were bored, hungry, and ready to hop on the train home, I actually really enjoyed the experience. I admit I was a little hungry and couldn't wait to eat, but I found myself really taking in everything. Before this I had a feeling my journey of becoming an artist would be difficult, both financially and emotionally. I thought I would be giving up so much for art. After hearing from so many actual working artists, my thoughts have been somewhat clarified and I have gained some insight. I still question if I really want to become an artist. It seems as if everyone aspires to become an artist. There's so much competition. And here I am in New York believing I don't really have a chance at this, and nearly all of the artists seem to reaffirm what  I have been fearing in my head. "It's going to be tough" and "good luck"seems to have been what was rarely said but capitalized in the conversation. But I then got to thinking. Yes, maybe it will be hard and maybe it will be worth it or maybe it won't and I was wrong all along; the biggest mistake would be not to take the risk and find out. I could start all over again and do something else but I have already made the decision to not make that decision. I have committed to something without being aware of it. It is a frustrating, complex yet wonderful thing that I may one day look back on and say I was proud to experience. I was lost and afraid and found my way in the world. Or not. As long as I give it a try. I will from now on work at believing that. As long as I give it a try. Why not? Life is short, yet art is arguably forever.  And we all have some way of finding ourselves in this cookoo world, like finding that comfortable spot on the sofa or just the right amount of honey in our tea. It's like that, I am finding that balance. I am just beginning to find the beginning.

Work! Work! Work! I took this photo awhile ago (with a friend's camera since mine malfunctioned) of all of my materials scattered about. One must get messy in order to get creative!

Now this is the creme de la creme! I nearly cried when I saw this craft paper. If you enjoy vintage textiles and patterns then you can relate to my excitement. This paper bears even more sentimental value for me because it is similar to the wallpaper pattern of the hallway in my home back in Chicago. I grew up in an Arts and Crafts home that still retains some of it's original details like the hallway wallpaper. It is easy to get lost in the delicate pattern. I also bought one in a powder blue as well.  

So, I know have updated my blog in forever (I told you it wouldn't be long that commitment would slowly find itself sinking),  but I'm back. I have been so busy with everything, it's as if life has swallowed me whole with one giant gulp! This is the beautiful paper I found for my self guided project. How I used it?... well that's sort of a surprise. Nothing super exciting to anticipate but it feels rewarding to accomplish another piece. Every artist understands that immediate gratification once they have "arrived". The paper itself was a joy to find! It reminds me of a timeless Laura Ashley print. I wish I could have afforded to buy more.

My Vanitas still life drawing. I am very attracted to it for unknown reasons. It could be the ease of it, or the graphic quality maybe...... I'm just not sure. I was slightly embarrassed about bringing in my own bathroom toiletries but that soon faded when I realized it wasn't a bad idea. I just wanted to do something different and it hit while I was thinking of doing something differently for my self guided project. I love when that sort of thing occurs! 

Portraiture

All that glitters isn't gold. It's origami craft paper!

No drawings today. Just me. I've been worrying a lot lately but I can't put my finger on exactly what. And I have a huge pile of homework to do. It's weird how as an artist I do not utilize art as an outlet for stress. I almost create art out of obligation or because I feel unaccomplished if I don't. What's wrong with me? I think I'm going crazy. Nevermind that though. I should be posting new stuff very soon.

Drawing homework assignment. 40 drawings in two weeks! I managed and I'm glad they didn't come out as terrible as I thought they would. My subject matter will probably always revolve around the interior and domesticity. There is something familiar, comforting, yet unknown and mysterious about the victorian rooms I capture.  They move me.

The essentials of my weekend. I've read Anne Sexton nearly twenty times and never get tired. She inspires so much of my imagination. I feel like I will never be able to finish Lolita. I find myself reaching for it every now and then but the bookmark is always in the same place. Go figure! My massive painting technique book always reminds me that I should be painting instead of lounging. It's been nearly three years and I've probably opened it twice though. It's a good reminder nonetheless.

The silkscreen print of my heart. I've given so many to friends. For me, the joy of printmaking is having that option.

A linear doodle I did today while doing art history homework. I am fascinated by line.

Okay.. so I admit it isn't a drawing, but I worked really hard on this etching. Watercolor is a difficult medium to work with. I am sufficiently satisfied with it nonetheless.

What inspired my bedroom series? My lack of sleep!

A self portrait I did when I was feeling very anxious. I find that I am most creative when I am on edge.